I'm working in a factory, in a very noisy, dirty, and unfriendly place with very little job security and a lousy salary. It is very far and I get up at 5.30 and get back home at 7, spending a good two and half hours of my day driving through thick traffic. Evenings I spend trying to make sense out of ltd company finance and obligations, working on till late preparing quotes for projects that are not taking off, making lunches for the next day without fail, interviewing people for a room in our house, and trying to stay atop of my chores and errands around the house and others; like fixing breaks on the car I'm using every day, etc. 

It's been hectic. Got the work at the end of July. It's better, in some ways, than sitting at home gazing at the clouds running past, unemployed, and purposeless. 

When I manage to squeeze it in, I run and cycle and exercise. And it's quite often actually. I'm the strongest I've been in five years and I've never been this fast running. I'm at my natural weight and I'm trim af. I've got here by being regular, persistent, and intelligent; This time, I didn't completely blow my top off and get injured at the start, by being strict with my selves, not tough as I would in the past. (I got my self some deep blisters there at one point, but that's like nothing compared to the usual) 

I can do all this usually when it's for something. But, this arrangement obviously absolutely refuses the target of becoming a commercial pilot. The money is not enough, time is even less available. Income security, also important, nonexistent. Outlook for the future is dismal as all's been dismal this year, brexit is getting ever funnier and the Aviation industry is in tatters.

So, what's been keeping me going. Apart from my wonderful friends, my stubbornness and a lot of fruit. 

I had fallen in love. And when I'm there, I fly through anything. 

It was in the end a shorter story than I would have liked it to be, the feelings were not mutual and now I feel a bit more alone than I did before. But, it woke me up from this lockdown slumber. It made me fight where I was just going through the motions. And it made me think, big time. 

As suspected, this powerful medium within me emerging again with a clear direction, took on everything. As expected, it took zealously against flying. (this supports the theory I had about preferably staying off women until the PPL's done. The theory was that I should. :D)

It didn't win. but it did take it off of its pedestal. And I only wonder how it would have faired had the romance continued. I felt ready to prioritise...

Children in five months. two years max. I said no way. Naturally, logically, especially due to the nature of the conversation. I didn't take no for an answer, even though I gave one or two as well. And most of this thinking that I did had followed after the affair was actually over.

I went out with a girl one day, thinking, let's be this fellow that goes out with women and has a lot of action like the guys on the tv; no time for love, but avoiding the opposite sex is not healthy either, the PPL's done, the sky is shut and I have a ton of time on my hands. Pretty I'm enough, clever too, unemployed only temporarily and due to a worldwide crisis. 

Obviously, not my thing and it was supposed to be a huge step out of my comfort zone, but forward. And it was. I saw this one girl and went all in like an idiot. (romantic idiot! that's almost not bad :D, to my defense, I was relatively intelligent and slow on stuff but it was a bit of a trap.)

I did get a Story out of it. Some of that human closeness. And I learned. So, all and all, not a success but a stepping stone to it. The shape of the success has changed though; seeing a lot of women and having a lot of action is not the image of it anymore. The image is, I'd say, somewhat more mature. 

The urge in me to fall in love seems to be stronger than the other urges. And there's a great deal of apprehension in me of the consequences of allowing it, and It had the upper hand for a long time. Until this recent bit. 

But I'd like to think that it'd a been relatively controller dip. I retrieved good data. Harnessed the explosion and transformed it into physical fitness. And got over it relatively fast. 

Next, I'll be more in my own corner, watching and guiding, the fighting I leave solely to the flesh an intuition. And a towel throw is an option, it's not like the fight is fair in any way. 

It's not possible to get the partner you want until you know what such a person should be like. And I'm getting there. Another way is to just be happy with what you get. And I can see how that can work for other people.

The above is of past. 

Recently I accepted a job offer. An Interesting and Prospective job in a very nice place near, for good money, the kind of flight-worthy money (Fuk Yea)

I got over that chick and the sour what was left of it in me and I'm not deterred from trying again. And most importantly, I'm still running super fast.

We got a new housemate and this should also reduce some of the existential worries of 2020 and alow me more spare time.

The plan was, and is, to wait for Feb and see what gives and make a decision for the future. But if the new job takes off well, I might take a peek back into the sky before Christmas. No pressure though.

 

no pressure till Feb.