for tonight, among other things i dreamed of a yacht sized head made of stone following me everywhere. it didn't speak or was all too communicative but it seemed the more excited the faster i was moving. the alarm went off in a moment when i was surfing on a sea of sand. i was going super fast, the head was ecstatic and there were friend of ours in form of small colourful animals, some on the surf with me, some on the heads forehead, we were all exhilarated with joy of the ride, having infinite raging sand sea to all directions as far as ones imagination allows.

Sometimes i feel i know too much of the world to benefit from it. That i really never did too much to deserve to know, not enough to be able to put my knowledge to a practical use. Like that my time really hasn't come yet and knowing is the last thing that i have a use for.
Truth is i guess that i did enough, or at least appropriate amount to find my self where i am. I just have this tendency to forget who i em when on a pursuit of understanding others. to be able to impersonate mind of another one has to forget them selves and what they know and feel about things. it's a massive interference when trying to see the world through another ones eyes. especially when those eyes are so so very different and haven't seen any of what i have and i haven't seen any of what they've been through.
But i'm alright... i never slacked off and i lived all there was. just that it was in my way. in the way of me.
I'm having problems with not having everything at the same time i guess. I always suffered from that. too curious to be just one person and to live one life at the time.

Been blamed a couple of times lately that i think my self superior to others (by one person). which i find preposterous but on the other hand i can sort of relate. i have some heavy standards for my self than i'd never hold anyone else to and never demand another person to comply with. but that's kind of in-executable at the point when they get near. and not even very near.
some learn to live around it and keep me for the good i have for them. some get overwhelmed and fold.
I do not think my self better or superior in any way. I wish you could believe me. I'm a sort of a soul that needs a philosophy to live by and has a innate need for being faithful and consistent within it. And that philosophy of mine is ever more cruel and unforgiving. well it might come across as such. to me it's clean and practical and it always is a pinnacle of what i can conjure with what i've lived through. after all, i spend a lot of thinking time on developing it. and kindness always played a major part within it. after integrity and honour though, and that's where it bites.

just staying faithful to who i em is the answer to all the hardship ever to become me. when havin enough of being others, coming back to my self always feels like such a relieve, but i tend to forget it never is for too long.

my time haven't arrived yet.
but i'm a patient one.
waiting is what i can do.
hope it's not all that i em too.