My mind went back on me. 

I saw something that wasn't there.

Saw something that deeply hurt me.

Until five seconds later when confronted I looked again and saw It's lost.

My mind. This was the first time i had it confirmed. My mind is not alright.

And so to save my self any further suffering. I don't care anymore. I embrace all that emptiness that lays jest beyond what i think i should be feeling and caring for.

Suffering is not always bad.. you know, when you strive for something good. .. ?

But that's past. all the eggs are broken or cracked and only difference between up and down is that from up things fall at me, and down is covered with things I haven't yet completely forgotten no matter how much i tried.

Only things that matter now, are my eyes and ears... not what they see and hear, but what they can see and hear when the moment is right and my heart comes out by the balustrade and anything around me becomes magnificent and beautiful.

I now live for those moments. They probably come hand in hand with my mind being on its way out.

But that's life, isn't it. you focus and live for the good bits and then you die.

It's crazy, imagining what all will I have to go through.. I'm not even thirty. blimey..

 Don't get me wrong. i love this... having water going down my mill. (czech proverb) Only lately I've been walking to get it really far away and might have confused some of those journeys for actual life.