Slowly slowly catchy monkey.
But be bloody sure you're catching it

April's the bailout limit, i said to my self when the year started. If i'm not in the clear from the few issues that were bugging me, in April i'll sort them out gloves off.

The march came along and there's just one bug remaining. It's work. There's nothing insurmountable happening there, only that i'm not being paid enough for the work i do. In my profession that apparently happens quite often, and it had happened to me before. And only way to make real-ish money in my department, one hast to work for them selves. But there's time for that. Now i need to grow and learn and meet people and make my name with them first.
The last time it happened i went with it for some time, then worked on it encountering utter preposterousness and then I just left. the country :D..
It's different now, me being abroad and all my support system is of my device. But more importantly, i have a plan that i have to stick to. (flying) And that needs funding and with every another month it's becoming more and more immediate. There's been talks and all, stuff happened since and new kind of respect's been achieved. But that simply is not enough. I can't afford to stick around just cause people are nice and the company is prestigious.
April come and no promotion received and sufficient salary increase in sight, April gone I'll be too. Or at least my notice handed over. (I want to finish the project for my self.. CV's sake, experience and confidence's sake too). Finding a job in here never took me too long. especially with the salary i currently have. and if there's no prospect of growth in this one. i either grow by leaving for better or at least other, where there such a prospect is imaginable. Or i go bloody pour pints and have a break for a month or so..
This is not the sort of thing i'd usually write here (at least not in such an open way), and I'm not doing it now to give my words extra weight. I think that since i'm moving my life from my worlds into reality, these sort of things should now be included. And also as i sometimes go back to read my notes here from the old days when encountering similar obstacles, there's not enough about my professional life. There are notes of how i felt and what i was thinking about at the time. but non of the approach i had and the way i had been looking at the situation.
I remember a lot, but the little nuances are of the essence. And noticing that my face book photos have a very little to do with who i was, i'm happy to have this place and the importance of this blog has been steadily growing.

So blah blah blah ... In July it'll be two years since i moved to London. And the initial commitment i had to my self has been for two years;
No quitting before then no matter what, No remorse if i choose to leave all after then. New commitment to be put in place at the terms end. Or a contingency plan with a clear deadline to be drafted.

If all looked the same in July as it looks now, from the pre-London point of view I did well. From the hindsight point of view: July comes and all's the same as now, I'm stagnating and a fall is eminent. That's due to the progress that I've made since and due to a more informed view i now have of the battlefield. The battlefield out there and the one inside.
I never had anyone pressuring me into anything. I had a lot of people trying... but you know, it's not easy. Not for long.
Now I'm under pressure. and it's coming from the only person that ever succeeded in pressuring me. And they're using my dreams as the pressure point and the motivator. will se how that goes. It'd be rally cool if it'd prove effective. long term effective.

I've been far too delicate and gentle with everyone. too much diplomacy and not enough regard to how not smashing stuff that needs smashing makes me feel. It wasn't wrong, it worked most of the time. even though at some cases it was straight forward counterproductive. As any other general approach. I used to have almost unlimited time for everything as i age slowly and being a man, there are very few deadlines for stuff. delicate approach worked. Now i live to another paradigm. And it have happened a couple of times lately, that i bluntly said what needed saying and no fuses went of and a lot of time was saved. It felt unnatural to me, yet so very good at the same time.

It's ok that I'm growing up so slowly. I'm a millennial, if i could have grown up fast, i would have. not doable in this world i was born into. Some of us put it on and some are old in heart. But in a world where so very little makes sense (less than you'd think. If you think that you understand anything because it's simple and not because you need to, you're blatantly of the mark) and sense is a core value to you; it'll take a while.

in other important news of my life: The time for buying a new pair of shoes has come. both my soles now have holes in them and the shoes are looking less then presentable. I love them. they are barefoot gobies and i wore them almost a year and a half straight. Shoes are important..