flying is amazing.
it is also very demanding and at points challenging.
and it's expensive; time and money have gained all new meaning to me.
never did i think i'd need much more money than i'd have had (i really didn't need much) and time was always an element that would take care of it selves.

even now siting here and writing i'm feeling i should instead be working out how to go about shaping the dream into real proportions and working out ways that would be at least as accessible as remote. and that's only because it's too late for studying; if i keep the prop (mind) spinning too much past 9 pm it tends not to settle down before early ours.

'I'm completely unattached.' i responded to a question today.
which seems to be ideal state of affairs for picking up ATPL.
other people would have possibly said that they were single.

i tend to feel guilty when just watching a series or spending time outside, socialising with humans that don't fly and thus have a limited knowledge and attention span regarding aviation. i feel guilty commuting without revising or rehearsing. and i do far too much of the earlier and little of the later.

after a long while i have a good life. i didn't say great because my job isn't yet of the sort i'd want to do even if i didn't have to. but i live in a nice place in an awesome house with great mates. all is really well set up. i eat great food, i drive about all marry as in the olden days, i'm learning to fly on the weekends and i feel i've been my selves more than in a looong time.

yet, a bug's been there at the back calling for me to seclude my selves and devote all my time and efforts to the one thing and the one thing only.
I haven't and won't for a while. it's not the time yet and it would be very silly to let all the good that's happened to me just go. most of the time i'm just going with the flow, enjoying the ride, occasionally struggling not to get distracted by the feeling of guilt spending my time doing something that i should like rather than what i'd really like and want.
not sure whether more liked or wanted ... maybe getting these two in equilibrium is the key.

flew two lessons today, got some crosswind landings done. can wait to do a good one. another two lessons tomorrow and then, rest of the week that i've taken off, spent in books, making ready for first set of exams on saturday.

low key letters because writing this i set through a partly overcast sunset on our terrace. it's peaceful here and i have earplugs too.
tv series are really terrible killer of time and focus. and next on the agenda will be to devise and implement a way to reduce my participation on the happenings in the house, especially just chilling about, postponing that till i'm old.
hard part would be that i like it and i also like being a member of our little chiswick bunch. in the end i'm sure it will be much easier than i'm imagining it now.

i hope it's not too obvious i only wrote because i felt it's been too long since i did the last time.
did i say that flying is amazing?
it's well awesome.
can't wait till i'm really good at it